Hospitals: Fact or Fiction?

So this last week I had two hospital experiences: One in real life and one in a dream (Fact & Fiction, get it?!? HA!). Both are somewhat wordy, though, if you may wanna stand up and stretch for a minute before delving into them.

Let's start with that dream:

*** Dreamt Sept 24-25, 2007 ***

I'd just gotten a new job to work at the same place my roommmate Michael P Christensen work, namely in the lab where they clean surgical instruments at Logan Regional Hospital. I was informed that my job was going to consist of two main activities: (1) Cleaning instruments and sending them to the ER when they were needed, and (2) manning the cash register at a little pharmaceutical store that was located above a little mexican market. The kicker was that the store and the Hospital were about 2 miles away from each other. I'd tried asking my new boss about my responsibilities, but he just kept making jokes and wouldn't give me any straight answers...it was really annoying.

My first night on the job I went over to the store and looked on the schedule to find that I was scheduled to work at BOTH places that night...at the SAME TIME!! I panicked. What was I supposed to do!?! No one would tell me. My co-workers didn't seem to have any pity on me, but since the ER seemed like a more important place I decided to go there. Upon arriving at the ER I found my boss again and told him about the double booking thing and he told me, "Oh yeah, that happens sometimes. If you ever get scheduled to be at both places, ALWAYS go to the ER!" So at least I did the right thing!!

As I was there, though, I started to freak out a little because there wasn't ANY close parking. ...I think I'd left my car at the little store 2 miles away. So I asked my boss where I should park in the future and he said, "Okay it's easy, get a piece of paper and write this down..." I grabbed a piece of paper and pencil, but didn't really have to write anything down because the directions he was giving me were already printed word-for-word on the paper I had. Upon closer inspection, I realized that this paper wasn't just typed-up notes on where to park...it was the script for my dream!! Next to his lines was the printed "Boss:" and he was - of course saying exactly what was on the script. His directions on where to park was something like this: "walk 2 blocks west, then turn right and walk about 3 quarters of a mile before turning right again..." this went on for a while, and then the last line of the script was "Everyone together: Then run the last 70 feet to your car as fast as you can." Of course, everybody in the room said it all together ('cuz that's how it was in the script), but the REASON they said it all together was because that's how he always ended the instructions. Incidentally, the reason for the "running as fast you can" was because the parking lot was in a really slummy neighborhood, and if you didn't RUN to your car, you'd probably get mugged.

After all this I really started to freak out! The parking lot he'd described was over 3 MILES away!! I was supposed to work swing shift, park in the worst part of town, then walk THREE MILES to work!?!?! My boss could tell I was freaking out, so he bade me follow him outside so he could show me something. I followed him out to a little patio that was on the back of the ER and he said "watch", as he picked up a golf ball sitting on the ground. He turned to the north and threw it as far as he could...but it didn't get lost...it bounded on houses and cars and buildings etc., until it finally came rolling back to us. He turned to me and said "See!?" Clearly I didn't, so he did the experiment again. He tossed the golf ball as far as he could, but sure enough, it came back to us. "No matter how far you throw it, it ALWAYS comes back", he explained. Suddenly it all made sense. Parking wasn't a big deal at all. I was going to be okay working there at the ER.

***


Are you confused? SO WAS I!! What the HECK did I eat for dinner that night, I ask you!!

Well, 2 days later, I had the opportunity of going to the REAL Logan Regional Hospital to take a drug test and have a pre-employment physical for my new job. You know, I've had to take drug tests and had pre-employment physicals for past jobs, and it was always sort of a "Pee in a cup and make sure you don't have high blood pressure" kinda thing. This was a SERIOUS physical! I was at the hospital for almost an hour and a half!!! After the usual drug test stuff, I had my blood pressure checked, color blindness check, sight test, and then the full physical including the ever exciting hernia test, as well as a myriad of really bizarre little muscle tests.

You know, nothing is more humbling than a full physical. For an hour I had people poking, proding, inspecting, and doing anything else they could think to me, the whole time with the mindset: What can we find wrong with this person?

Bleh. Not the funnest of days ever.